so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
