i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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