I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
