Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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