I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
