we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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