I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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