I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
