I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
