so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
