corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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