Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
