Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
