I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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