right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
