I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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