I just made out with a guy for $7.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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