I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
