my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
