the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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