sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
