Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
