i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
