insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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