What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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