Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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