so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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