I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
