You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
