Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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