she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
