Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize