just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
