Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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