Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
