Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She said her name was "party"
I skipped work to stalk him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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