Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
