sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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