Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
