I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
