I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
