My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
