You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
