dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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