I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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