don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
