Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize