I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
