YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
