it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we made out on top of his cat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
