My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
