Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
