just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
