I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
