K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
