i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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