well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
