Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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