I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
