Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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