and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
