everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
