Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
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I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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