Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
