I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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