You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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